The seamy underworld of lobbying

Last night I took my software engineer boyfriend to an industry dinner in a conference room of lobbyists. I thought he'd enjoy the free food and booze and since I had to go anyway I figured it would be a win-win situation for both of us. He protested a little about wearing a suit and tie (and threatened to wear white socks--the horror!), but he was of course a good sport. After some idle chit-chat with colleagues I began to worry that he hadn't called and checked my blackberry nervously. As soon as I realized I had no service I rushed to the lobby to find him descending the escalator. "How long have you been here?!?" "About 45 minutes." "No! I am SO sorry." I couldn't believe I left him alone with these sharks! "Just kidding, I'm just gettin here now." Always the jokester.

Soon we were corralled into the dining room (with a waiter ringing a xylophone no less. sadly this wasn't the first time I had seen this.) Some familiar faces sat down at our table and shook my man's hand. "Who are you with?" they asked after uttering their affiliation with overblown grandeur. "I'm with her!" he smiled every time. I couldn't help, but chuckle when they looked befuddled. He explained to me that he had no intention of identifying his employer for their satisfaction.

After the long, boring program we made our way into the dessert bar. "I've never met so many self-important people in my life." Jay Leno was quite correct in identifying DC as Hollywood for ugly people. People who aren't important in DC believe with utmost determination that they in fact are the most important person in the room at any given time. An acquaintance mine is an assistant at a lobby shop in town. I once witnessed his boss ask him to make copies for a presentation while we chatted. He put his finger up and said, "When I'm finished talking I will." I was floored. Consequently his boss told my coworker that sometime this young man forgets he is working for his boss and not the other way around. Another acquaintance said "hello" to me and told us "Everyone is going to the Capital Grille. You have to come." I admitted it was a little late and told him I'd take a rain check. "It's only 10, you are getting so old" and punched me in the shoulder. My bf said, "I can't believe he just punched you." I explained it was a throwback to the good old boys. Naturally he had some lessons. Another young man explained about how his sister's boyfriend was scared of his 5'9" bearded father who resembled a professor with glasses and a little potbelly. Not 5 minutes later he said that his father was a few inches taller than my BF (who is 6'1") and much larger. Let's just say I know his parents are still married to each other and unless some novel medical experiment went awry, he only has one dad. As a good friend of mine would say, "Oh vey!"