Metro Avengers and Spray Tans

I had another fabulous metro ride yesterday. Our Internet has been down at work, which rendered me functionally useless for 8 hours and then on a side note, nausea set in on the metro. I switch to the orange line at L'Enfant Plaza so I usually get a seat, which is nice for the ride to Ballston. A man got on my car and leaned against the side of the car (I usually perch on the low ledge on the side when I want to sit down when no seats are available.) His foot was in a metal cast and as fixated on fashion, I noticed he was wearing one brown shoe and his gimpy foot was encased in a black sock. I wondered if he didn't feel the need to wear socks that coordinated with his shoes since he had a cast on, and he'd have a point, if I was in pain, I don't think I'd worry too much about matching my sock and shoe (oh how I kid myself.) A man across from me offered his seat to the young man who refused and swore it didn't hurt anymore and he was fine. Instantly I felt like an idiot for not offering my chair, especially since I was closer. But...I was focused on his mismatched sock. Not a good excuse mind you, but that's the way it was.

Anyway...at the next stop a woman in a navy skirt suit, high heels and a big hat got on the metro, stood next to my seat and sighed (loudly). Thirty-second later she sighed loudly again. She began, "You poor thing, I know what that feels like and naturally no one would offer you a seat." I rolled my eyes to myself. He said he was fine and it didn't hurt anymore, he was getting the cast off the following day. She continued, "Are you sure you're not just trying to be macho? I can't believe all the rude people not offering you a seat." I don't know where these metro-avengers get off assuming that everyone else is better off than someone who has a physical impairment. I'm still anemic from my recurring infection and have very little energy and for all I know the girl next to be could have been starving (she was a size 0, but she was eating a bag of chips as soon as we got out of the metro so I assume genetics caused her slight weight.) True, the young man could have told her that someone already offered their seat and he was indeed enjoying all the creature comforts afforded to him by leaning against the metro wall, but he kept answering her quickly and looked away so I will again assume that he was embarrassed by her outrageous antics. This continued in the same fashion for several stops. I even put away my blackberry to appear as though I wasn't simply ignoring her, but defying her! Obviously I prefer sit-ins to litigation...

At Rosslyn someone behind me got up and oddly enough she didn't offer the seat to her uni-legged friend, but asked a crowded group, "No one wants this seat?" If you put it that way sweetheart, only a no-legged person would pipe up and even then...she did have a big hat. So the person on the outside tried to let her in and she says, "I'm getting off at Ballston." No vocal response, but I imagined a dirty look and a shrug. She moves in, sits down and loudly exclaims, "Thank goodness, my feet were kiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiling me." "THEN DON'T WEAR HEELS ON THE METRO!"I scream, quietly to myself. If only I had more guts I would have given her an earful. Ugh.

After the eventful ride, my roomie and I ran a couple errands (who knew Baby's-R-US is such a hot place??) and then did the unspeakable. Since she is getting married in 2 months we decided to check the candidacy of spray tanning. Not a big fan. Not only was I instantly covered in what looked like sewer-water, but my epidermis wasn't exactly accepting. It took 20 minutes to get it rubbed in and as soon as I stepped out I noticed my face looked like one of those children on the "coal is dirty" ads that the natural gas companies have plastered all over the D.C.-area. I could focus a whole posting on that issue alone. I woke up this morning with what appeared to be jaundice on my feet and face and I'm only glad that I can blame my cheeks on the lunchtime wine now.

The moral of this story is, don't make oral assumptions on the metro (clearly written ones are OK) and don't spray tan. Give yourself cancer the old-fashioned way.